Out of Context - Percy Jackson
by shadowhunter57
Summary: One-shot: Percy Jackson quotes taken out of context: a crackfic featuring Percy, Grover, Annabeth, and several men in Speedos.


Disclaimer: Percy Jackson, Grover Underwood, and Annabeth Chase belong to Rick Riordan and the capitalized sections are direct quotes from _Percy Jackson and the Lightning Thief_. We just decided to take some of his quotes out of context and thus this fic was born. Thanks Callie for co-writing this. Enjoy!

* * *

It had been too long at Camp Half-Blood. Percy was finally 18 and the days of making friendship bracelets and running laps around the court were getting old. He was ready for a night of adult activities, and was finally old enough to partake in the pleasures of the mortal world. Despite his resolution, Percy was still a little nervous to embark on his journey alone. Just then, Grover walked by. The perfect accomplice.

Despite his resolution, **A LUMP FORMED IN [PERCY'S] THROAT.** Shakily, the hero invited him along to partake in some mature activities with him. Immediately after, **[HIS] FACE FELT HOT. [HE] WISHed [HE] HADN'T OPENED [HIS] BIG MOUTH.** Grover looked at Percy questioningly. Defensively, Percy responded " **ARE YOU COMING OR NOT?"**

 **GROVER SHRUGGED. "AS LONG AS THERE'S A SNACK BAR WITHOUT MONSTERS."**

They set a date for next Friday.

* * *

" **WELCOME TO THE LOTUS CASINO, HERE'S YOUR ROOM KEY,"** a smiling butler dressed in **SOME CAMOUFLAGE WITH TATTERED [A] AMERICAN [FLAG] ON THE SHOULDERS** said to them. "What would you like to order?"

" **THREE KINDLY ONES, ALL THREE AT ONCE,"** Percy said with more confidence than he felt.

"Right away," he responded.

The butler returned, not long after he had left to fetch them some company. Three attractive males dressed in robes walked in, and the butler left. "Enjoy your night," he sang as he closed the door.

"Oh, don't worry, I'm sure we will," Percy replied, winking at his new friends, but the butler couldn't hear him, seeing as the door was closed.

The men took off their robes to reveal Speedos underneath. Percy's mouth dropped open, and it was hard to hide his excitement. Everyone could see just how excited he was.

Percy took his pants off, and Annabeth gulped, staring him in the eyes and trying not to giggle. " **OH PERCY," SHE HUGGED [HIM] TIGHT, "YOU'VE GROWN SINCE CHRISTMAS."**

Grover glanced in his direction, his eyebrows raised. **GROVER WAS SHIVERING AND BRAYING, HIS BIG GOAT EYES TURNED SLIT-PUPILED.**

"Um… Grover. I don't feel that way about you. You may be my best goat friend, but you are just that. Anyway, wouldn't a relationship complicate things? Also, I'm not much into bestiality…" Percy actually looked sad telling his friend the truth.

Grover looked away. He didn't want his friend to see just how sad his words made him feel. "Oh, no. I don't feel that way either. I was just surprised - **IT WAS A LOT BIGGER THAN I HAD REALIZED,"** Grover replied. "It reminds me of **A HUGE WHITE STALLION.** A pretty one at that."

Percy didn't know how to respond to this. Had Grover spent time thinking about this? He didn't have a chance to reply, because one of the Speedo-clad men **GRABBED THE STICK AND PULLED HIM OFF COURSE.**

Percy grunted. "Ow, that hurts!"

" **WELL, IT'S A DEADLY PROJECTILE** , I wouldn't want it to get into the wrong hands…" the man replied, loosening his grip.

Suddenly, Percy heard a moan from the other side of the room. It seemed that one of the other men had started pleasuring Grover. **HIS EYES WERE STILL TIGHTLY CLOSED BUT I GUESS HE COULD HEAR THE THING GURGLING AND STEAMING.**

Annabeth ran over to Percy, and looked away. "Oh my gods, I want to forget about what just happened. **IT TOOK ALL MY WILLPOWER NOT TO LOOK. I COULD FEEL WARM OOZE SOAKING INTO MY SOCK."**

"Ew, seriously, Annabeth? Too much information," Percy turned green and reached for a trash can.

" **RELAX,"** Annabeth patted Percy on the back.

" **I'M VERY RELAXED,"** Percy replied. "I'm just more relaxed when Grover isn't being felt up by a man in a Speedo. I just have one question, **WAS IT HARD?** "

"Why are you even asking me that? Of course it was. **HE LOOKED PRETTY PLEASED TO ME,** so why do you care who he talks to?" Annabeth replied, angrily.

"I don't! I would just prefer it not to be a man in a Speedo! And they were doing much more than just talking," Percy replied bitterly.

"Do you have feelings for him or something?" Annabeth asked, relaxing.

"No… I have feelings for someone else," Percy replied, looking away. His face turned bright pink.

"Me?" Annabeth asked.

"You've noticed?" Percy asked, aghast.

"Not until now…" Annabeth replied. **SHE LUNGED AT** Percy, making lip contact.

" **OH YUCK," GROVER SAID.**

"Seriously? We had to watch you getting felt up by a guy in a Speedo. We can't even kiss without you criticising us?" Percy asked, annoyed that Grover had torn him away from his passionate embrace with Annabeth.

"Well, that's different. You guys are my friends. How am I supposed to feel about you getting together?" Grover asked, getting angrier by the second.

"Happy? That's how most friends would react!" Percy replied, narrowing his eyes.

"You're right. I'm sorry. Let's just get some rest and order some room service. Maybe later we'll feel better, and can invite those men back here," Grover raised one eyebrow.

"No!" Annabeth and Percy both shouted, and Grover flinched.

"Fine, but you never know how you'll feel in a few hours," Grover replied.


End file.
